birth

I had never been over 39 weeks pregnant. I was a little excited to know what it felt like to be a walking blimp, but not really. As most, I was uncomfortable and very anxious to meet Lyrik.

At 39 weeks and 1 day (Tuesday September 20th) I was feeling relaxed, and yet anxious. The previous day my doctors were a little concerned over my elevated blood pressure and I had traces of protein in my urine, which is sometimes a sign of preeclampsia. As many know, I had preeclampsia my first pregnancy and I was induced at 37 weeks. I did not want to be induced this time. Most of all, I didn’t want to be in a hospital.

Of course, I would have done anything for Lyirk’s health, but that Tuesday I was kind of talking to Lyrik more than usual to see if she would make her way out sooner than later.

That Tuesday was a normal day other than that. I took care of my other two daughters and we napped and played for much of the day. Jeremy was working a closing shift so I made myself dinner and tried to wind down for bed.

I went to sleep around 11 pm and woke back up at 1 am on September 21st. I was used to pregnancy insomnia at this point so I just did some dishes and folded laundry to try and pass time.

Before I knew it, it was 5 am. Then, it hit me. I felt something sharp in my lower back and felt my entire body tense up. The familiar and welcome pains of true contractions. I was in denial for a few, so I started timing them and they were 7 mins apart. After about 30 mins of them being consistently 7 mins apart, I decided to hop in the shower and drink some water to see if these were just intense Braxton Hicks. Nope, once I got out they started getting more painful. At around 6 am, I decided to make the much needed call to my mom. I call her before anyone. After that, I called the birthing center and a midwife told me to be there at around 7:30 am.

Okay, sounds simple. However, I now had to wake 2 sleeping kids up at 6:15 am and get them dressed and drive to my mom’s house, all while dealing with contractions. At this point I couldn’t time them very well, but they had moved down to about 6 mins apart or so.

I somehow managed to get everyone out the door and arrive at my mom’s house at around 6:45 am. At this point my contractions had gone to 5 mins apart or so and were pretty intense.

My dad had to work and at the time we did not know if I was truly in labor, so we had to take my daughters with us to the birthing center. My boyfriend, Jeremy, was already high tailing it to the birthing center and actually arrived a few minutes before us. This was a nice change from him almost missing Piper’s birth.

I want to say we arrived at the birthing center at around 7:30 am on the dot. At this point I wasn’t exactly timing contractions, I was more focused on staying calm. A midwife checked me and I was at 3 cm dilated and 100% thinned out. So, I kind of thought that maybe I would get a slower labor this time.

I was wrong. I remained at 4 mins apart and bounced and walked around the best I could for awhile. The contractions were painful, but this time around I was more focused and was better at breathing through the pain. I kept telling myself it would pass and Lyrik was going to make her appearance. I tried to imagine what I thought her little face would look like and that motivated me.

Finally, the pain was getting to me. I asked Jeremy to run a bath for me. I stepped into the hot water and just let myself float for a bit. Honestly, water does help with pain. It didn’t take it away, but it did relax me enough to handle 2 min apart contractions better. I was also getting a little irritable and didn’t want to be touched much, which was a sign I was getting close to the end with Piper.

My mom was in the family room with Harmony and Piper and I was secretly worried she wouldn’t get to see Lyrik arrive. Even though I did fine without her, I missed her, especially when I was in transition. Transition is the worst. That’s when I kind of lost it and started crying and moaning. It was also when I thought I couldn’t take anymore. Suddenly, I felt pressure and my water had broken.

As soon as my water broke I needed to push. Jeremy and one of the two midwives with me helped me get to the bed and I just quickly laid on my side because, holy shit, I needed to push. Pushing is a really weird sensation without medication. You don’t fully push, your body is literally ejecting a human being. It’s also a bit scary for me for whatever reason, and I did panic a little. I don’t know why, but pushing is the one thing I never have full control over, and not having full control over my body is one of my biggest triggers for anxiety attacks. My older daughters were sweet enough to take a nap right before I needed to push. So, my mom was able to see Lyrik arrive Earth side. I am so thankful for naps.

Jeremy tried to calm me down by telling me to just scream and let it out. I did, and that’s when I heard someone say they could see Lyrik’s head. That was when I decided I was done and I was ready to see my baby. I pushed twice more after that, and Lyrik was born at 9:40 am, about 2 hours after I arrived at the birthing center. I want to say I pushed about 6 times in all.

It doesn’t matter how many times you give birth, nothing prepares you for the overwhelming amount of love and relief you feel after feeling your baby on your chest for the first time. Lyrik arrived and cried for a second, and was then silent as soon as she was on my chest. I let her stay there for awhile because I honestly couldn’t believe I was holding her at last. As always, I made sure she had 10 fingers and 10 toes and admired all the hair she had on the top of her head.

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Lyrik was born with so much vernix on her. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the protective type of covering on babies while they’re in the womb. It kind of looks like weird cheese, but it’s neat to me. When I was finally able to look at her and soak in her existence, I noticed all of her dark hair and her dimples. She has two dimples and the darkest hair, and it reminds me so much of my dad’s and granny’s side of the family. September is always a rough month for me. It’s the month when my granny died, and the 24th was her birthday. I know she would’ve loved all my daughters, but I would like to think she’d be tickled that two of mine have hers and my dad’s dimples and her widow’s peak hair line.

Even though this birth was quick like Piper’s, I am still so happy with my birth experience. My midwives were wonderful and spent time talking to me and teaching me about a few things as they were taking care of me. The nurse that stayed with me for 12 hours was amazing. She was quiet and allowed me and Lyrik to sleep for awhile and was so caring. I couldn’t have asked for better women to take care of me that day. I was scared for a few because I lost quite a bit of blood, but no one made a big deal out of it and we just kept moving along. I always appreciate when people can just help me stay calm with silence.

Lyrik was 7 lbs and 2 ozs on her birthday and 19 inches long.

The real MVP was my boyfriend who brought me salted caramel doughnuts and pizza afterwards. Did you know that labor can burn upwards of 55,000 calories? I deserved pizza!

In all seriousness, this pregnancy was the hardest one for me. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break between struggling with depression, asthma problems, and gestational diabetes. Somehow, I got through all of that and now it seems like none of that matters now. I would go through it all over and over again just to see her sweet little face. I can’t get over how much Lyrik looks like her father. Did I even give birth to you, girl?

If you’re wondering how Harmony and Piper like their new sister, they’re in love with her.

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It’s been weird and hectic trying to adjust to having 3 kids that are all under 5 years old. I’m still figuring things out a month later and somedays I barely have time to brush my teeth and put deodorant on. Other days I can manage to get all 3 to nap at the same time for a few hours. It’s been a chaotic journey, but one I wouldn’t change for anything. I love all 3 of my girls so much. I can’t wait to see what sisterhood has in store for them in the future. If its anything as strong as the bonds they’re creating now, I know they will all have an amazing friendship.

The one thing I want for all my daughters now is to create the strongest bond they can. I won’t be around forever and neither will Jeremy, and I want them to remember they have each other no matter what. When all else fails, they can fall on each other if I am unable to catch them.

I hope you all enjoyed reading about how Lyrik arrived into our lives. I am bursting at the seams every single day with love and adoration for all 3 of them. I am truly the luckiest mother in the world to have 3 daughters as gorgeous and clever as Harmony, Piper, and Lyrik are. I don’t always understand how someone as ordinary as myself could give birth to such extraordinary humans like them.

Lyrik was born on the International Day of Peace. She’s been every bit of peace I’ve needed since the beginning of my life. Thanks for sneaking into my life and completing my heart, little one.

As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you’re all having wonderful days.

“Why are you going to a midwife this pregnancy?”

It’s a question I hear often at the moment, so I thought I should type out a post to clarify exactly why I have made the personal decision to pursue a completely natural and med free birth.

I was in a hospital during my labor and birth with Harmony. I had an emergency induction due to pre-eclampsia at 37 weeks. It was not what I had wanted since I did not want to be induced whatsoever, but I knew I had to. I began my grueling 27 hour labor that night and everything seemed to be fine, until the next morning. My normally amazing ob/gyn came in and man handled my lady bits and claimed that because I was squirming when he checked my cervix that I NEEDED an epidural. Having your cervix checked is no pleasant task to begin with, and I had no problem with the nurses. He man handled me and then insulted me. I was so pissed, but I was so tired already that I just went with it. I just wanted it to be over and done with.

I was 9 cm dilated and my epidural wore off. My blood pressure was through the roof because I was in so much pain because my body had so much pitocin in it, and then it stressed me out because I knew Harmony was not having fun either. After they gave me more medicine, I started to feel pressure. My body was telling me to push. I can’t really describe it, but I knew it was time. I told my mom to let the doctors know, but it took a nurse 20 freakin’ minutes to get into my room, all while they kept telling me not to push yet (now I wish I had just said “fuck it” and pushed anyway). She told me I was only at 9.5 cm, but I insisted that I truly needed to push. She let me do a test push, and my cervix expanded the rest of the way.

Finally, it was over. I was looking into the eyes of the child that I had only known from inside me for 9 months.

It was a short lived visit. I didn’t get to nurse Harmony right away like I wanted. They wrapped her up and took her away from me and Jeremy for 4 HOURS. At one point I was alone in a room still numb from the waist down…everyone was seeing my baby, the one I yearned to breastfeed and cuddle, except for me. At 11 pm I was moved into postpartum room (apparently they were backed up) and given Harmony. I had never nursed a baby. I had no idea at the time Harmony was tongue tied, and we were struggling to get her to latch. It was so late that there wasn’t really anyone there qualified to help me, and I was too scared to ask too much in fear that they would force formula down her throat. Jeremy allowed me to sleep for a bit and he watched Harmony. To this day, I am still grateful for that. Jeremy was the best part of that entire blasted hospital experience. Dad of the year, in my books.

I have other horrible non baby friendly tales to tell, but I will not do that in this post. This post is to focus on why I am not going to a hospital this time. At least, I am hoping to not be in one considering I am high risk this time.

I am now at Lisa Ross. I have a few friends that have given birth there and loved it. I wanted a med free birth to begin with for personal reasons. I hated the epidural. I hated not being able to walk and control myself. I’m someone that would rather be in immense pain than to take anything that will make me lose control of any part of myself. That’s just who I am.

I went to an orientation at Lisa Ross one night to see their actual birthing center. It’s gorgeous. There were actual beds and chairs. There is ample room for water birthing tubs and whatever else you may need. We were told that moms are free to eat and drink while they labor and even shower (whaaaaat?). To me, the idea of being in temporary pain and having freedom sounded way better than being in no pain and feeling like a damn prisoner strapped to a bed and hooked to machines.

It was just those factors that made me switch, though. It’s cheaper. They dim the lights because the florescent lights in hospitals actually increase the risk of jaundice in newborns (this blew my mind, and explained a lot). They give you your baby directly after and they wait until the umbilical cord has stopped pulsating to cut it. They will even allow yourself or your partner to catch the baby and be the first one to hold it.

Sista say what?

I didn’t really need to be told anything else after that point. My heart was set on Lisa Ross.

Since then, they have been so caring and helpful this pregnancy. They check my protein and blood pressure often. They gave me diet advice to help reduce my chances in getting pre eclampsia again. They haven’t treated me like I have an illness.

I want this so bad. Every day I day dream about having the birth experience that I long for so bad. Pain and all. Am I happy that Harmony is healthy despite my last experience? Yes. I truly am. If I had to go back and do it all again I would, but I don’t have to. I have the power to do what I want this time, and I am fully abusing the power.

I am keeping positive. My motto for this year is “strength and support.” I will be supporting Jeremy as he pursues a job that he just got, and he will be supporting me fully in 6 months to welcome our new baby no matter what happens. He is totally on board with the decision to be at Lisa Ross…I did promise him he could catch the baby if he wants 😉

I hope that the pre eclampsia was a one time thing. I hope that every effort I am making to be healthy will pay off.