February Favorites & A Life Update!

I can’t be the only human in existence that forgets February is the shortest month of the year. Every. Dang. Year.

February was an eventful month for me. I was able to try out a few new things, and my life is changing quite a bit. I go over it in the video, but spoiler alert, I’m pregnant with baby #3. We’re really excited, but that’s why I’ve been a bit inconsistent and super behind on videos and reviews lately. I’ve done nothing but sleep. Well, I’ve taken care of kids obviously, but any time I can snooze with them, I’ve been sleeping. However, I’m almost out of the fatigue zombie feeling first trimester, which means I’ll be back with more posts before long!

I didn’t want anyone to think I’ve been intentionally ignoring others or all around bored with life. I’m basically a human cat right now. All I have energy for some days is sleeping and making sure I don’t smell bad.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my favorites this month!

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The Rantastic Rant

Before I begin this written rant, this is not pertaining to anything on my personal social media pages or anything that has happened to me recently. Just observational things. Well, mostly. I also curse when I rant. I like for my writing to be raw and emotional, and me in my raw state curses often. #notsorry

 

Social media in general kills me at times in the sense that it gives way too many people virtual courage. The things they would never dream of saying to someone’s face they say it on their instagram posts and under their youtube videos. I feel like a repetitive record at this point, because this very issue has been pointed out countless times over the course of a few months.

However, it’s something I feel needs to be discussed. It needs to be called out. People will say “ignore the haters *~*~*~” but in reality, we need to be calling them out each and every time they’re being shitty. Because the truth is, not everyone is in a mental state where they can just *ignore* someone being blatantly cruel. We can’t point out that cyber bullying takes lives while simultaneously telling everyone to just ignore them. It’s become apparent that it’s not getting better, it’s only getting worse. I’m convinced there’s something astrological playing into it, because some of the things I read actually make me cry.

Something else that annoys the ever living snot out of me is the sudden need to post all your personal preferences everywhere as if anyone else should care, especially on makeup pages. Why in the hell are you on a makeup page to begin with if you prefer “no makeup” and “natural looks.” No really, go on. Don’t harsh on our glitter.

On my personal Facebook page, I posted a picture without any makeup on. All my dark circles and acne scars were there to be seen, and most people responded well to it and understood my point. That I use makeup as a form of self expression, and that I genuinely like putting it on, not that I’m trying to trick and deceive people. Come on, I’ve been with the same partner for almost 6 years now. He’s seen me bare faced, butt naked while pregnant and 3 weeks post partum, he knows I’m not trying to freakin’ trick him, shit.

However, there’s always that one person that misses the point. This one person starts going on about how makeup is “crap” and no one needs to wear it and who wants to “smell, kiss and taste chemicals” and shit like that. Excuse me, sir, I didn’t invite you to this pow wow so you can give a back handed comment.

First off, I’m pretty sure many women don’t spend the money they do on makeup and smell like chemicals. I smell like glamour. Second, me announcing that I’m fine with my bare face isn’t an invitation to put women down for something many find empowering because you can’t grasp why they enjoy it. So many of us, including myself, are wanting to change the game and show others (men included) that makeup can be fun and you can have fun and be creative with it. That’s why I don’t do “no makeup makeup” or natural looking tutorials. I don’t wear them to begin with. I’m bold. My personality in general is very all or nothing, and I express that through makeup. That is my coping mechanism in so many ways, and how dare anyone try to put me down for that by throwing some bullshit misinformation into the mix. Also, I have a feeling if the people so bitter about makeup would sit down and play with lipstick they would chill out and at least try to understand. Makeup washes off, time to wash away your bad attitude. 

People are entitled to personal preferences, naturally. However, if you think that means you get to have a say so in someone’s appearance, you’re mistaken. Take me as I am, or don’t be a part of my life. Simple. I’m not the type of person that has ever taken kindly to others trying to tell me how to look.

Which is why I have such a huge problem with these “take her swimming on the first date” memes. First off, you’re obviously clueless as to how powerful setting sprays and waterproof makeup can be. Second, you’re making yourself look like a superficial douche canoe. Ah, it’s all about the inside, right? You’re a nice person and you don’t care what someone looks like, but makeup is trickery? We can all see through that transparent tomfoolery. If anyone’s trying to tell you how to look and covering that up with the notion that you’re “different” and “don’t need” something, walk away. I have seen so many times that this is an early red flag for possible abusive relationships. This goes for friends as well. I used to have a few friends that would tell me how I should look and act, and it was nonsense that I was friends with them looking back. No one should tell you how you should look. 

Seriously, the only time anyone needs to have an input on what you look like is if you have lipstick on your teeth or your skirt is tucked into your panties. Because both of those things happen to me and I hella wish someone would let a sister know.

I don’t always understand why people can’t grasp that they can have personal preferences for their own appearances without mocking others. It’s possible to stand out and empower others, no matter what your differences are. Just today I was scrolling and saw a woman with a beautiful side by side comparison. Her work was flawless, and the one thing people kept saying was “she’s pretty she doesn’t need makeup.”

Yeah, I get it. People think that’s a compliment, but it’s a back handed compliment. You don’t know that woman or why she’s wearing what. So, compliment her on her skills and application, or don’t comment at all. It’s truly not that hard.

I guess what I’m trying to say in a roundabout, long winded, rant way is, don’t be an asshole. Maybe you don’t even see how what you’re saying is condescending, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you know that there are better ways to say things.

I believe that everyone has to take a step back at times and think, “Is what I’m saying valuable to the conversation? Is this empowering? Is this a legitimate question?”

And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. I swear, someone would make a killing teaching an Internet Etiquette class. Who’s down?

Alright, I think that’s all I want to rant about for now. I know I don’t do rant posts of any sort often, and I don’t know if they’ll become a common thing unless you all actually enjoy them.

If you want, rant away to me in the comments. I love listening to people.

As always, thanks for reading if you did read this long winded rant, and I hope you’re all having wonderful days!

Big Giveaway with Makeup, Jewelry, and More! (Open)

Hey, beauties!

I have an exciting post today, and it’s a giveaway that I’m hosting! I have reached over 3,000 Instagram followers and 900 Youtube subscribers, so I really wanted to show my appreciation and give back to you all. My blog and channel wouldn’t exist without every person that supports me, and I don’t mean in the sense that this is my job or anything. This is still very much a hobby, but your all’s kindness drives me to be a better me and to push myself to try new things.

So, this giveaway is finally happening. I know it’s not super huge, but I do plan on doing more giveaways throughout this year.

Anyway, I will have the video linked down below along with the rafflecopter thing. The rules are simple:

  1. This is only open to those in the US and Canada, sorry about that 😦
  2. If you are under 18 years old, I would like to be know by email from your parent or guardian that it is okay to enter. I don’t want to be that adult sending unwanted packages to minors.
  3. Please follow the rules, and I will make sure whomever wins did, and I do reserve the right to pick another winner if the original winner did not follow the rules, or does not respond to me after the giveaway.
  4. Have fun! If you’re already subscribed to my Youtube Channel and Instagram, then you have two freebie entries right there!

Also, share this anywhere that you want to!

Have a great day, lovelies.

 

Link to the giveaway:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

RocksBox Review!

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I have something a teensy bit different today for my blog! I was contacted by Rocksbox and asked if I would be interested in reviewing their subscription service for a few months. I happily agreed after realizing this is the same jewelry service Thataylaaa raved about awhile back. I know I’ve said this before, but she’s one of the few big vloggers I trust, and after browsing through their site for a bit, I was stoked to get my first box! Yes, I did receive this for free, but my thoughts and opinions are my own, as usual.

Shipping was very quick. I had my box two days after my tracking code was sent.

Rocksbox is a monthly jewelry subscription that costs $19 a month, but you get close to or over $200 worth in loaner jewelry. You can also send back the set you have for a new set at any time! Shipping is free both ways for the subscriber, and there is no committment. You can cancel at any point. In the box you get a shipping label, and the envelope it comes in is also the one you send everything back in! I thought that was pretty neat. Little things entertain me.

Each month that you are subscribed, you receive $10 in “shine spend” which allows you to potentially buy a favorite piece of yours and keep it forever! You go through a quiz, much like with Ipsy, in order to figure out which styles you love and don’t love so they can cater your jewelry to you.

So, how did my “stylist” do with mine? Awesome! It’s no secret that I love bold makeup and necklaces. When I opened up my box and saw that necklace, I legitimately gasped.

What was in my box?

Urban Gem Aubrey Necklace– This necklace retails at $80, and isn’t it so stunning? It’s everything I want in a statement necklace. Bold, yet dark and it’s very lightweight. I love this piece and may end up buying it for myself eventually.

Kendra Scott Earrings- These earrings are also some that I can see myself wearing often. I can’t wear super large and heavy earrings because that’s a disaster waiting to happen with two toddlers. I do love pretty earrings that aren’t studs from time to time. These retail at $65.

Jill Michael Delicate double chain bracelet- This is the one thing I’m kind of “meh” about. I’m not really into delicate jewelry. Have I mentioned before that I’m an all or nothing type of person? I’m either tacky or completely bland, there’s rarely an in between with me. This is a really pretty bracelet for anyone that does like more delicate styles though, and retails at $45.

Of course, if you sign up and you’re an insider, the prices to buy most pieces are dropped pretty significantly.

I think this would be a cute “treat yoself” type of subscription since it’s not makeup related, but is still relatively affordable. It would also be a cute gift to someone else!

All in all, I’m really happy with this so far. I’m excited to send a few pieces back and see what’s in store for me next!

If you’re interested in getting your first month with Rocksbox free, I do have a coupon code. Just enter lunafayebeautyxoxo to try this out for free, and you can cancel if it ends up not being for you!

What are your thoughts on subscriptions like this? I would love to hear about them!

As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you’re all having wonderful days.

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December Ipsy Bag

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Another month, another Ipsy bag. Okay, I know that’s not a thing at all, but just go with it. 2015 is coming to a close and I have no idea where this hell this year went, but I’m trying to cheer myself up with makeup. Alright, I do that in a lot of situations.

Anyway, before this turns into some weird Makeup Addicts Anonymous post, let’s get into why I’m really sitting here today. I received my Ipsy glam bag in the mail at last! Usually I get my Ipsy bag a week before now, but I think with all the holiday stuff going on everything has been slowed down a wee bit.

First off, the bag is very festive. It’s just a shiny red bag, but I actually dig it. I think red is such a classic shade, and the material is the kind that will make this bag toddler proof so I can put it in my purse.

So, what’s in my last Ipsy bag of 2015? Continue reading if you want to find out…

First off, if you’re unfamiliar with Ipsy, they’re a beauty subscription that arrives every month and costs $10. Typically, there’s a mixture of high end and indie brand makeup, some full sized and some deluxe sample sized. My biggest tip is to review your products every month. It does make a difference in your bags. I’ve been getting more high end samples the past few months, and I think it’s because I consistently review all products. I’ve personally been subscribed for a little over 2 years now.

Clark’s Botanicals deep moisture mask- This is a pretty decent sized sample for a mask. I know I have mentioned my skin type before, but my skin gets dryer than a snake’s in Winter. I can’t wait to try this mask out!

Peter Lama’s Hand Cream- Not gonna lie, Peter Lama sounds like a former celebrity name that I should be seeing in weird late night infomercials. This hand cream smells nice, but I already have so many hand creams to use up. However, I will probably end up using this one. Have you ever felt your hands in the winter after washing dishes for 30 mins straight? It’s awful, and I feel uncomfortable thinking about it.

Tarte Cosmetics Smooth Operator Powder- I was really happy to see this in my bag! I love Tarte cosmetics, but I don’t always have the money to splurge on their face products. I’ve been wanting to try this baking thing all the kids have been raving about, so I may get to try it now!

Pacifica Power of Love Natural Lipstick- This is a full sized product that everyone received this month, and I got the shade Nudie Red, which is a lovely brownish red color. I haven’t tried many natural lipsticks, but I love Pacifica! The packaging is really freakin’ cute too. I love the hearts all over the tube.

Elizabeth Mott Thank Me Later Eye Primer- I have so many eye primers, but it is something I use everyday. I’ve never been disappointed with any Elizabeth Mott product I’ve received, so I will try this one out as well. Maybe this one can replace my Too Faced one once I use it up. The Too faced primer is raved about, but it dries my eyelids out terribly.

Colourpop Shadow in Stereo- I had some points to redeem, and was able to snag a Colourpop shadow before everyone else got one! I almost always miss out on cool rewards, so I was happy to get this one since I already love Colourpop so much. I also got a Luxie shadow single, but I put that in my z palette and forgot to include it in the photo. Whoops. Stereo is a really shimmery dark burgundy though, which is a shade I wear very often.

Well, that’s everything I got in my bag this month!

If you’re not signed up and you want to, just click here. 

If you are subscribed to Ipsy, what did you get in your bag this month?

As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you’re all having wonderful days! Oh, and happy whatever you celebrate if you do celebrate anything!

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Lorac Mega Pro 2 Giveaway! (open)

Hey, lovelies!
Today’s post is a bit different than usual, but definitely very exciting! I’m stoked to be a part of a giveaway where one person will receive the new Lorac Mega Pro 2 palette! Plus, the winner will receive a Nyx Liquid Suede lipstick in “Sandstorm.” This giveaway will end this week, so make sure to enter, and share this with your friends if you want! May the odds be ever in your favor 🙂
Have a great day!
I’ve attached the link to the blog in case the widget is not working! If it’s not working (wordpress confuses me at times, sorry) then just follow the link!

Blog giveaway link: http://www.sabrinadellinger.com/2015/10/win-lorac-mega-pro-2.html

Some Spook-tacular Shops to Check Out

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The week before Halloween is seriously one of my favorite weeks of the year. Other than the week my kids were born, I live for this week. I love seeing everyone put together costumes and makeup looks. However, I am a bit creepy all year. Many things about Halloween I gracefully add to my wardrobe and life all year. So, while we’re in the spirit, I wanted to share some of my personal favorite shops that sell cute and spooky things all year.

Dead Spider Hands: This shop is where that cute mini zine and monster doily came from. The artist that owns this shop’s name is Allie Burke, and she is so incredibly creative. I have a few of her prints in my house, and I always get compliments on how strikingly creepy, yet classy they look on my bookshelf. Her shop is under maintence right now and won’t be up for a few more weeks, but her prints and stickers are so damn adorable.

Shop Deer Heart: This shop is a newer discovery, and I love it so much already! This shop sells cute and creepy (and non creepy) pins and other nifty things. That’s actually where the eyeball ring pictured above came from.

Worship 13: I know I talk about this shop often, but I truly do love her jewelry and I’ve expereniced nothing but amazing things from her shop. I wear her necklaces very often in my Instagram photos, and these are items she makes all year! I love that I can stay spooky cute all year, and her items are budget friendly.

Bella Morta Jewelry: This is another shop I talk about often and mention in my posts, but I do want to include her shop because she will be closing it down soon for personal reasons. I truly love her pieces and I am sad to see her shop go, so I want to share it with you all in case anyone has been wanting anything from my photos. This could be your last chance to snag a few things.

Fiend Boutique: This is another newer shop to me, and it should be obvious that I’m a sucker for any shop that sells cute horror themed necklaces and earrings. I’m a huge Misfits fan so the name just speaks to me on another level, but their items are incredible as well and very affordable. Go look at the Jack-O-Lantern earrings right now. Trust me on this one.

Pretty Zombie Cosmetics: Okay, would it be a post by me if I didn’t include a few makeup shops? I love Pretty Zombie’s lipsticks, and I have talked about them so often before. Their packaging is so adorable though and it has pretty zombie pin up girls on them. Vanity worthy. Need I say more?

My Pretty Zombie Cosmetics: To clarify, this brand is different from Pretty Zombie. This shop sells eyeshadows, and they are incredible! Remember my Halloween tutorial where I used an eyeshadow called “Murder?” That came from this shop. She sells a lot of really awesome quality shadows for $5 each that have the most badass names.

Notoriously Morbid Cosmetics: This shop is probably the newest to me out of all of these, and I’m already head over heels in makeup love. Sharie from Secondhand Sweetness is always talking about them, so I decided to give their mystic matte lipsticks a try, and I was instantly hooked. Their products are vegan and cruelty free, and many are themed. I missed out on the Vincent Price collection, but I did snag the Down the Spiral (also a huge Nine Inch Nails fan, surprise) collection that I will be doing an unboxing for as soon as it arrives. I have high hopes for this brand!

Salem Couture: This shop sells mostly Peter Pan style collars that can be worn with any shirt you have! I love this concept, and I own a few myself that I have used in previous posts. They sell many designs, some spooky and some plain. The mermaid one is one of my personal favorites, and I also own the floral one. They have an instagram page as well and they have discount codes pretty frequently!

That’s it for today’s short little link fest. I know this is not my usual type of post, but I do use a lot of accessories for my looks and tutorials, and I like to share the love. Indie brands and independent artists are always going to have a place in my heart, and I want so many of them to succeed. There’s a lot of talented artists in this post, so make sure to click the links and shop around in your spare time!

As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you’re all having wonderful days!

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Some of My Favorite Accessories

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Hey lovelies,

It’s been awhile since I have done anything fashion related. Honestly, I’ve never thought my sense of fashion was appealing to others. I kind of just dress however I’m feeling the day I wake up. I like a wide range of things that start at vintage everything to anything dark and creepy. That’s why I don’t particularly classify myself as “goth” or “punk” or whatever else, because people take that stuff way too seriously, and how dare I say I’m something if I’m not living and breathing it 24/7. In a nutshell: I do what I want. Just think of me as your friendly everyday slightly grungy mom with pretty necklaces.

However, it’s pretty apparent that I do have a love for weird and odd accessories. I do get asked often where I buy my rings and earrings. I have a love for accessories that can be worn with plain shirts and completely change an outfit. That’s what I’m rockin’ a lot of days. Skinny jeans, a tee, and some odd accessory. Typical disclaimer: everything in this post was purchased by me, and none of these companies know that I am doing this post! Everything is my honest, raw opinion.

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I tend to buy from individuals rather than large companies. Not all the time, but most of the time, especially lately. I love the idea of my favorite necklaces and hair accessories being handmade. I know that the people I buy from the most put a lot of time and effort into their work, and it shows in the quality of their pieces. So, for today, I want to share some of my favorite pieces that are seen most often in my videos and pictures, and I will include links and mini reviews of each person/company.

Worship 13 Jewelry: This is where the two large pendant necklaces and the large Chuck Hodi ring are from. I buy from Worship 13 very often, and I have always had a very positive experience! I most recently purchased a bat and black lipstick phone case from her, and shipping is always pretty quick in terms of independent businesses. She has a huge selection of gorgeous pieces, and is always adding new things.

Bella Morta Jewelry: This is where my Deftones and full moon earrings came from. The Deftones earrings were actually a custom order, and I adore them. Any other Deftones fans that follow my blog? She sells some lovely handmade pieces and is always very quick to ship everything. I recently snagged a triple moon coin purse from her off instagram, and a Frankenstein necklace that was featured in my Face of the Day post last week.

Dulce Calveritas: I discovered this shop through Kat Von D’s instagram page (another angel for promoting smaller shops) and when I saw the raven skull ring my heart skipped a beat and I practically threw my credit card at my computer screen. It’s not a real raven skull, but this ring is very well made. I absolutely love the attention to detail, and almost every time I wear it someone asks me where I got it from. This shop also sells nifty bat bows and coffee bean earrings!

Clip a Bow Boutique: Remember when I said I wear whatever I want? Okay, so bows are one of my guilt little pleasures. I think they’re so cute and look great on everyone, no matter the age. I own quite a few, but one of my favorites (okay it’s my favorite) is my LOTR bow. It’s big, it’s nerdy, it’s perfect. I am a huge LOTR fan, and this bow is a dream come true.

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Minky Monky Jewelry: this isn’t a small shop, I don’t believe. However, I’ve been getting a few questions about my septum rings and I thought I would mention it. I have been getting most of my septum and nostril pieces from either Minky Monky or Baublenation lately. They sell really lovely pieces at affordable prices. I know someone is gonna read that and judge me for wearing cheaper jewelry, but whatever. Momma is on a budget, and the thought of spending $200 on a septum clicker makes me gag. I don’t wear these 24/7, and I typically change it for my barbell at the end of the day.

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Dead Spider Hands: if you follow me on Snapchat, you’ve seen this coloring book already. I’m head over heels in love with it. Adult coloring books are very trendy right now, and now I have one that’s perfect for me. It’s small, it’s cute, and it’s filled with hand drawn monster girls. Coloring is something that calms me down at the end of the night, especially on days where I’m feeling particularly anxious. This entire shop is gold though, and I have a few prints as well. I love buying pieces from independent artists.

So, that’s about it for today’s accessory post. These are just a few things that I love! I own a lot of really cool pieces, so if you are interested in seeing more posts like these, let me know! I love sharing new shops that I come across.

I hope you’re all having lovely days, and if you want, link me to some of your favorite places to buy accessories and other cute things!

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Hey, I’ve Posted 200 Times Now

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Hey everyone,

While I was brainstorming for ideas and replying to comments, I noticed that I have posted 200 posts on my blog! Well, once this post goes up it will be 200, but you know what I mean. That’s a lot of typing, and because I do reviews and stuff it’s been a lot of swatching and looking at lipstick stain tattoos grace my arms for almost a year now. It’s actually a joke with my family now, they’re always expecting to see some lipstick on my arms. They’re my “temporary tattoos.”

When I started this blog, I didn’t really have a purpose. I posted here and there and had no schedule. I was feeling down and very depressed. My anxiety was inhibiting me from leaving many days and I just felt like something had to give. When I brought up the idea of blogging mostly about makeup and beauty to my mom, she agreed that it might be good for me to have a creative outlet. It would give me something that is solely “mine” and would give me some consistency in the midst of the total chaos that is being a mom of two very small children.

To say that blogging has essentially saved my life in some ways is an understatement. I feel like I have a voice now. I have ever made friends, which if you read my post about my friendships (and lack thereof) the past few years, you will know that it’s a big deal for me. I absolutely love the blogging community as a whole. Sure, there are some negative areas, but most of the areas have brought nothing but positivity into my life. I consider each of you my friend.

Blogging isn’t just for my own self gain though. I truly adore and appreciate every single person that follows me and supports me. I can’t count the times I have caught myself smiling at a comment someone has left, and I have even been in tears at times. Good tears. The happy kind that reinforce that I do have a small place on the internet. A place to show the passion for makeup and pretty colors since I was a toddler. I have loved watching all of your blogs, if you have one, grow.

So, for my 200th post, I wanted to write out how grateful I am for every person reading this now. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You have all helped me climb out of one of the darkest places I have been in. I’m sure that if my daughters could fully grasp what was going on with me a year ago and see the difference now, they would be thanking you all as well. I’m in a way better place now than I was a year ago. I still have a lot to work on, but I will continue to cope and try to be better for my kids sakes.

I love blogging. I’m still a very small blogger, but that’s okay with me. Numbers do not concern me. I told myself in the beginning that I will always prefer 200 people following me that read and engage with me than 2,000 that do not any day. I still mean that. Even if I stopped blogging tomorrow, I would still buy lipstick. I would still be reading your posts and ogling over your makeup collections. So, I might as well just continue to type it out.

Here’s to 200 posts, and to 200 more. I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. Thank you to every single person that follows me, likes my posts, retweets my tweets on twitter. You are all so special, and I just wanted to express that in a short post today.

You have all had a deep impact on my life, whether you know it or not.

Have a good day.

-Kayla

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Dear Harmony

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Dear Harmony,

Today is your third birthday, and so much has changed in those three years. We’ve moved and made hard decisions as a family, we even welcomed your baby sister to the family just a little over a year ago. Through all of that, my love for you has remained so strong and constant. Even when I feel like the ground beneath me is crumbling, I have a bit of consistency in the bond we’ve created over the past three years.

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I know the past year has been tough on you at times. I know that you don’t always understand that I have to give your sister lots of attention, and I’m sure that at times you feel left out. However, you’re the first person that I fell head over heels in love with at first sight. You’re the first person to make me forget to breathe, because all I could do was stare at how absolutely perfect you were from the moment I laid eyes on you. You’re the first absolute and truest love of my life. I’m not saying that I love you or Piper any more than the other, but there is something incredibly special about our bond…because it was just us for almost two years.

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When I first looked at you, I saw your father. I could see that you had his eyes. Then, I saw my granny. I know I wasn’t the only one that saw that because I could tell by the look on my dad’s face when he met you that he saw it as well. I could see her hair line, but over time I see so much of her personality in you. Your love for animals and art. The unique and infectious laugh that you have. The one little dimple on your cheek that my dad also has. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her and wish she could meet you, because I know she would love you so so much. You’re named after my two of my favorite women, my mom and my granny. I think my granny would be so tickled to learn that you’re a left handed animal lover that can already color in the lines.

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You had a rough start in this world. You were forced to come Earth side before you wanted because our lives were at risk. You struggled with jaundice, weight gain, and a tongue tie. My first time with a newborn wasn’t exactly sunshine and daisies at all times, but we somehow got through it together. Looking back, those rough times don’t even matter. That season was rough for me, but it was so so short. I would give anything to go back and hold in my arms and rock you for hours straight. I would give anything to just kiss your newborn head once more. I had so many people tell me that I held you too much. That I was spoiling you. I never listened to them, and I’m so glad that I didn’t. Even though I constantly held you, I still feel like I could’ve held you more. I still feel like I should’ve kissed your face a thousand times while you slept in my arms. There is no season in life as painfully short as that of a dependent baby. Now you’re rising into the season of growing independence, and it breaks my heart to watch your baby tendencies fade away.

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Now when I look at you I see a gorgeous preschooler. I see little curls bounce on top of your shoulders as you chase the husky around. I hear the adorable giggle you make when you’re playing with your sister. From the day we brought Piper home, you’ve been the best big sister. I’ve loved watching you help out when you can. I know that Piper adores you as well, and I hope that you all have the strongest bond that sisters can have growing up. I love to watch you try to help me change Piper’s diaper, or watch you hand her fruit or a toy. One day I’ll show you all the pictures I have of you nursing your own baby doll while I nursed Piper.

You have such a loving personality.

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You’re not the most vocal of kids, but your comprehensive skills have blown me away for a few years now. At this point, we kind of have a system, and I can decipher what you’re saying, even if you can’t come right out and say what you’re thinking. While sitting at the dinner table, you colored inside the lines like it was something you always knew how to do. You’re always surprising me with how much you already know.

You weren’t planned to come at the moment you did in my life. Many people do things in a certain order, and you came in a time in my life when things felt totally out of order. I wouldn’t change the timing for anything. You’ve given me a reason to wake up everyday. A reason to better myself. A reason to laugh, even when laughing is the furthest thing on my mind. I would be a liar if I said that there were a few days where you were the only thing keeping me on this Earth. Days where my mind was blurry, but my love for you was crystal clear.

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I’ve never met a human being more empathetic as you are so young. It’s as if you have a sensor, and you know exactly when I need an extra snuggle. You know when you to crawl in my lap and grab my face for a huge kiss. We can sit in the floor silently together playing with blocks, and it’s honestly the most soothing thing. I know that I haven’t always been great at hiding my meltdowns from you. I always fear that I’m going to frighten you, but each and every time you’ve just grabbed my face and kissed me. No one has ever done that for me. You have been my saving grace ways that you’ll never know, and you’re more compassionate and empathetic than most adults I know. You’ve seen me at my absolute worst, and I apologize for that, but each time you’ve held my face and told me that you loved me. In that moment, you were all I needed.

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People constantly tell me that you’re “too shy.” That I keep you too sheltered, and I need to make you interact with others. What they don’t see is you observing them, you watching them. You waiting to let your guard down because you’re the type of person that will either not like someone or pour your heart and soul into them. Physically, when I look at you I see your father. His soft brown eyes that pulled me in from the very beginning. I see so much of myself in your personality though. The sensitive little girl with a huge heart that not many people were willing to get to know. However, once they do they realize we’re capable of loving completely with our hearts and souls. You just gotta get past our love for creepy things and loud music.

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If you’re wondering, I will always yearn for the days when you were an infant. However, I’m looking forward to watching you learn and grow. I love listening to you create sentences now and repeat everything (okay, maybe not so much that…). I feel like everyday you wake up and something about your appearance has changed. Your chubby cheeks are not so chubby anymore, and now you’re a thin little kid. I can’t believe how gorgeous you are now. I can’t believe that someone so incredibly flawless came from someone as flawed as myself.

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Happy birthday, Harmony.

I hope we spend the entire day listening to old records and dancing in the living room.

Love,

Mom