I know that some that follow me on Instagram remember me posting quickly that we had a family pet pass away back in December. I know that was in December, but every time I have tried to type this up I break down.

This was my childhood cat, Zee. We called him Zee-meister most of the time. He was 15 years old, and one of our first childhood pets that I can actually remember other than our dog, Sassy.

Zee was a rescue cat. His mom was actually feral, and we all thought his slightly raised hind legs were the coolest when we were young. Like a tiny, domestic tiger that happened to sport a tuxedo. That cat had some hops in his younger days, too. He literally knocked the glasses off a few people and could do flips.

He also did tricks for turkey, and was a spaghetti fiend. He would walk around sporting spaghetti sauce on his face as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I’m still 90% sure he was actually a dog. He couldn’t cat. The other cat my mom formerly had would clean his face and you know that sassy thing was thinking, “This cat is a damn dog. It can’t even clean it’s face.”

Zee was an old boy. We knew that. I guess we didn’t expect him to decline and pass away so quickly. It happened so fast that none of us could really process what happened. Zee was my mom’s baby. For me, there’s absolutely nothing more heartbreaking than hearing my mom heartbroken. I came unglued.

I think another reason why losing Zee is still so hard is because it felt as if a part of my living childhood had died. Zee had heard me cry in middle and high school for various reasons. I was bullied often and didn’t know how to handle it, so I figured I would vent to pets that couldn’t talk back or tell anyone. Zee’s met all my boyfriends. He was always in my loft bed when I was younger and had one. When he was a kitten, he had an unfortunate accident and fell off my loft bed and lost his meow for 6 weeks or so. His meow was never the same after that and he had a permanent falsetto. He sounded a lot like a broken squeaky toy.

He wasn’t always the most affectionate cat, but when he was, it was so incredible sweet. Our childhood dog, Sassy, passed away at a pretty early age for a dog, but there’s something about an older pet passing away that is so tough. Because even though I know he lived a great life and was so incredibly loved, it hurts knowing he won’t be around to make more weird cat memories with. Harmony might have faint memories of him, but I’ll be telling them stories about the weird ass cat that did tricks for lunch meat when they’re a little older.

My heart is still torn up over this spaghetti loving meow. I’ll miss shewing you off the baby chairs and such at my mom’s house. Maybe you weren’t the nicest, but you were our Zee. I’m so sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to you. I hope wherever you are there’s a loft bed you can hide in and a friend to clean your face. You were our family’s first rescue pet, and you taught us why it’s so important to rescue animals when you can, and a reason why I was so set on rescuing Sailor when we did. When Fall transitions to Winter, a part of me will always be sad over you. You’re a cat that lived through moving, watching kids grow up and move out, and watching those kids have kids. I had a weird feeling when I heard mom talking about your sudden decline in health that maybe you were about to let us know you were ready to pass on. I didn’t realize it would be the next day. Maybe this is selfish of me, but I just want to pet you again. I just want to say goodbye and let you know that I love you so much.

You are still so loved. We still talk about you and laugh over your antics. You’re the kind of cat that will be talked about for a long time. Rest easy, baby kitty.