Dear Moon Piper

Dear Moon Piper (Piper Luna),

You’re a year old today. You stormed into my life in every way, and a bit literally in one way. One day I was asking your dad if we could try again for another baby in about 6 months, and the week after that talk I was telling him that I was already pregnant. A year ago today I didn’t even know I was in labor, you snuck out of the womb like a tiny little ninja. You were born a little after 9 pm, just three hours shy of being born on your father’s birthday. You wanted your own birthday, and I get that.

I look back now and I know that I needed you before I even knew I needed you.

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I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love another child as much as Harmony and would neglect you in some ways, because it felt like my heart was already overflowing. You proved me wrong, and my heart grew to accommodate the pure adoration that I felt the moment I laid eyes on you.

Your birth signifies so much more to me than just the day you came earth side. Your birth was the day I took control of my body, and after years of hearing “You can’t do that” from doctors, I proved them wrong. I was able to take control of my body and mind in ways that I had never thought possible. Instead of feeling trapped, I felt free. You helped me feel free again. I had the most empowering birth experience, and you were the star of the night. You are my little Moon Piper, born swiftly under the dim light of the moon. Five minutes after you were born, it started to storm. I can still remember the sound of rain hitting the ground so hard, because it mimicked the sound of my heart as I took everything in about you. You came into this world so quietly, as if you’ve already been here before.

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It’s been a year since I first held you. A year since I looked into the eyes of my second baby girl and felt my vision get fuzzy and the world stop in its tracks. A year since I looked into giant eyes that mirrored my own. A year since your very first latch, and a year since the first time I held your tiny hand in mine and noticed the dimples that reflect the ones on my hands. A year since I noticed how observant you were, even as a newborn. A year since I watched your dad become the proud father of a gorgeous daughter once again.

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Now we’ve made it to a year of breastfeeding, and you’re walking more and more everyday. Now I look into blue eyes that are turning green, and the little bits of blonde hair that grace your otherwise bald scalp. You have a way of making others smile, and I don’t think you’ve ever met a stranger. I’ve had so many people approach me just to mention your giant smile and pretty eyes. You seem to have the exact opposite personality as myself and your sister, but that’s honestly something that we both need.

I need your smile. I need your giant eyes to give me a bit of optimism. I need your little arms reaching around me to snuggle. I’ve needed you all of my life, I just didn’t know it until you arrived Earth side. You don’t laugh very often, but when you do it’s enough to lighten up the darkest of places. In that sense, you remind me so much of my dad and my granny. Your laugh is so special, and it resonates deeply in my mind and heart.

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You have a love for everyone, and I can tell you’re going to be someone that sees the good in all people. That’s something that I don’t want you to lose. I want you to see the good in the world. I want you to see that good and change others, because I know you can with the kindness you show to so many at such an early age. You’ve helped your sister open up a bit more herself, and I know that she needs you as well, even if a few years down the line it might not seem that way.

Your smile and adventurous personality have inspired me so much over the past year. You’ve inspired me to look around at the wonders around me a bit more, and you’ve inspired me to write and create more. I can’t recall a single morning when you were an infant where you didn’t wake up with a smile on your face.

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Moon Piper, you are so incredibly special. You will always mean so much more to me than you will ever know. I can’t explain gracefully just what your presence in my life means to me, but I will spend my life trying to express it with words. A year ago my world changed once again, and in the absolute best way possible. I would endure the med-free labor I did with you 1,000 times over again just to experience the overwhelming amount of love I felt the moment I was finally able to place you on my chest. Every bit of pain I felt in that intense labor was worth it for that one moment of relief I felt the moment I looked at you. It was an instant pain reliever.

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Happy birthday, Moon Piper. I can’t believe a year has already passed. I can still remember the intoxicating smell of your newborn skin.  I can still remember the long nights I spent sitting up nursing you and gazing at your sleepy face. A year later I’m watching you play and walk. I now imagine what kind of toddler you’ll be, because there’s a part of me that thinks I will be chasing after you fairly often. A part of me is sad, because I wish I could slow time down. I wish I could sit in our chair forever and cuddle. I don’t think there’s a human being on this planet that loves to cuddle more than you.

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I wish I could experience every moment with you 100 times again before we moved on to the next moment. Unfortunately, I cannot, and here we are a year later. Here you are walking and babbling, and here I am crying because I swear I just brought you home yesterday. I hope first birthday on Earth is so happy. You deserve it and so much more. You’ve helped to pull me out of one of the darkest seasons of my life. Your first year here has made such an impact on me and everyone that has met you, and I know you’re going to help change this world.

Love,

Your Mom

Favorites Friday

Hello beauties,

It’s Friday again! Anyone have any wild and exciting plans for the weekend? I don’t. I’ll probably spend the weekend cleaning and playing outside with the kids. It has felt so amazing outside the past couple of days here!

So, that means prepare for quite a few makeup pictures taken outside instead of inside 😉

I have more lifestyle photos to share this week than beauty related, because it’s honestly been a pretty laid back week for me. I’ve been playing around with colors and showing some of my older palettes and products some love.

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1. I can’t go too long without sharing a photo or 10 of Piper. Look at how precious she is! People tend to assume she’s bald, but she’s actually getting quite a bit of hair…and it’s white! Piper has been so adventurous lately and wants to crawl and climb and cause mischief wherever she plops her baby butt. I can’t believe that in June my little Moon Piper will be 1. I don’t want to believe it.

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2. Jewelry- Bella Morta Jewelry was having a buy 2 get 1 free sale, so I bought 3 pairs of earrings. Two are custom Deftones (one of my all time favorite bands) and a pair of Ouija Moon earrings. These earrings make the Moon Child in me sing. I want to order some custom wolf pieces soon. I’ve been on a real jewelry kick lately, can you tell? I love finding cute independently owned shops, because I know how much love so many of them put into their work. It makes me feel empowered to wear it knowing they worked hard on it.

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3. Palette of the week- BH Cosmetics Galaxy Chic. I’ve seen this palette pop up into different blogs over the past few weeks, so I decided to take mine out and show it some love. I can’t believe I haven’t played with this palette much in the past. It’s so gorgeous. The colors are beautifully pigmented, but if you own this wet your brush a bit a put “cosmic” on your lids. You’ll thank me later.

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4. On my lips- Stila “Patina.” This shade is talked about almost as much as Kat Von D’s “Lolita” it seems. Stila was having a 25% off Spring sale with free shipping #hellyeah, so I ordered this because I have been wanting it for MONTHS now. It’s such a gorgeous dusty rose shade, and the formula is incredible.

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5. Sister moment- moments like this melt my heart. Having two kids under 3 years old can be so tough sometimes, but at the same time so rewarding. Harmony and Piper adore each other most of the time and love playing together. Lately, Harmony seems to be determined to help Piper walk. I’m hoping that she’s unsuccessful because Piper is mischievous enough, ha!

Those were some of my favorite things and moments of the week! What were some of yours? I would love to hear about them!

As always, thanks for reading and if this is your first time on my blog I hope you decide to stick around for a bit!

Favorites Friday

My favorites this week may be a bit boring, but my week has been fairly boring. My city had a pretty intense (for us…it’s the south, we’re not prepared for ice and snow) winter storm come through and I’ve been literally iced in most of the week. Which coincidentally means I was in my pajamas most of the week, oops. However, I did have some nice moments that I would love to share, mostly of my daughters.

I hope that you all enjoy these posts, and if this is your first time visiting my blog, make sure to stick around and follow me if you want to!

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1. I suppose I can start off with what I received from Jeremy for Valentine’s Day. He picked me up some pretty flowers and my Melt Cosmetics Dark Matter stack was also a gift from him. He’s pretty swell, I may keep him around for a bit. The Pixi Dust was actually something I purchased on clearance! I love Pixi, so I’m excited to try those out and unlock their shimmery goodness.

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2. This is an older picture, but it still applies for this week since I was pretty much living in warm socks and jammies all week. That book is actually wonderful, and if you love magic and witches please read it! Those socks are also incredibly warm and so tall. I typically have trouble finding nice thigh high socks that work out for me since I do have thicker thighs (thanks, soccer). However, these stay up and were very affordable! Check out sockdreams.com 🙂

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3. Ah, the Knoxville Icemaggedon 2015. I wish I could say all that pretty snow was powder, but it wasn’t. So, we ended up not playing in it. Maryna enjoyed herself though. She looked so natural and happy sitting in the cold wind. Must be nice to have a built in fur coat with a heater.

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4. Can we just talk about how much older my 2 year old looks in these photos? We went out for a bit to get some fresh air since the roads cleared up, and I put a scarf on Harmony since it was bitterly cold. I didn’t expect it to take her from toddler to teenager in 3.5 seconds. And yes, she is left handed! We ended up going out for sushi and doing a bit of shopping and browsing around, and it was nice. Much needed fresh air.

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5. Piper was my cuddle and laundry buddy all week. She kept me warm and played with her toes while I tried to catch up on laundry. Is is just me, or do tiny humans have an obscene amount of laundry? I feel like no matter how much I wash, there’s always a mountain of laundry somewhere else that also needs to be washed. Phew.

What were some of your favorite things for the week?

Favorites Friday

Okay, so I really want to start doing more lifestyle posts. I know that the majority of my blog posts are makeup and reviews, but my life does not revolve around makeup. Nope.

My life revolves around the happiness of my two daughters, and that’s fine by me.
So, I decided to start trying to do a “favorites friday” post every week where I talk about my favorite moments, or maybe even some random favorite things I got in the mail or discovered.

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1. I was in the living room with both girls and looked down and noticed Piper had a book turned to the right page at the right moment. I have no idea why I find this so cute, it just is. She is my mushy little sweet pea though.

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2. Harmony put on my favorite boots and they went all the way up her legs haha. I have multiple pictures of me as a toddler wearing my dad’s shoes, so I find pictures like these adorable and slightly nostalgic in a way.

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3. Piper went to sleep early one night, so me, Jeremy, and Harmony decided to make tissue crafts. Mine is the butterfly, Jeremy’s is the pony, and Harmony’s is the car. I love how artsy and creative Harmony already is. She loves to learn new things and create. She has such a unique and innovative way of thinking, which is hard for me to put into words. She can take almost anything and take it apart and create something new with it, and she’s only 2 years old. I have a feeling she’s going to be my little artist.

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4. Ordered this ring from worship13.storenvy.com and I absolutely adore it. I’ve worn it everyday. If you’re into Chuck Hodi artwork and horror in general, check her store out. She has some very high quality and unique pieces that are affordable.

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5. Sometimes having 2 kids spaces so close together is extremely chaotic. I feel like all I do is change diapers and cut up food some days. However, moments like these where they’re both playing together silently and nicely remind me that it’s more than worth the chaos. Harmony is very willing to help out when she can with Piper, and is head over heels in love with her. She wakes up and finds her just so she can give her a kiss and say, “Awww baby sissy.” I didn’t have a sister growing up, so I can’t say I know how strong the bond is there, but I can tell from watching Harmony and Piper their bond is already unbreakable. I love watching them grow and play together.

Your Tiny Hands

My daughter is over a year old now, and the love I have for her still overwhelms me every single day.

Those who say love at first sight doesn’t exist have never had a child. I wrote my daughter a letter when she turned one, and I feel like I should post it.

 

My Dearest Harmony,

It’s been a year since I first laid eyes on you. It doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I’m dreaming, and I’ll wake up in the morning and you’ll be the sleepy newborn you were a year ago. I’ll carry you around on my chest and sing to you and kiss your bald head as you slumber away for most of the day. I remember the sleepless nights, the tears I cried because we struggled so hard at at nursing. How did I not see myself in you every time you tried and tried again? You were so persistent. You were determined not to let a small obstacle get in the way of anything, and because of that you helped me push forward as well.

I remember awing over your tiny little hands and feet. I remember holding them in my own hands and just counting them over and over. Those tiny hands of yours have had a tight grip around my heart since the first time I heard your heartbeat. I’ve fallen in love with you all over again so many times. Sometimes I would catch myself watching you sleep and watching the morning rays hit your innocently chubby cheeks. I would think about how a new day for me meant something completely different to you. You were still seeing much of the world for the very first time, and I had the honor of showing it to you. I look forward to showing you more and more of the world as the years pass.

I used to interact with you so much when your home was still in my womb. I remember sitting at work in the wee hours of the night and listening to whatever came across my iPod at the time. You loved music. You would kick and move around as if you were dancing in your own little way. You still love music, and even a year later I know when you recognize a song because you stand so still as if you’re trying to remember something, but just can’t put your finger on it. I’ll always remember it clearly for you, even when your infant memories begin to pass into the shadows. Your infant days are coming to an end, and even though you will not remember them in a few years, they will still be vividly branded in my own mind and heart.

Now the little girl that stands before me is a wandering little toddler. Your baby chunk is starting to slim down, you’re walking more and more as each day passes. You’re slowly starting to trust people. You used to cry when someone tried to talk to you, but now you’re starting to see that they’re just trying to make you smile. I’ve never met a person who doesn’t love you. I know that every time I see the little dimples in your cheeks my heart stops, so I can only imagine what effect it has on total strangers.

You have a smile that could make the darkest human being feel a little love. That smile has brought me out of some of my own darkest moments. That smile is going to change the world one day.

Sometimes I try to imagine what my life would be like if you weren’t here, and I can’t. I can’t imagine a life without you. My life would mean nothing without you. You are my life, and my life began at the very moment I saw you.

You’ve changed me as a whole, and for that I can never show my gratitude. The only thing I can do is dedicate my life to you.

I know I may not always be the best mother. I know that sometimes I may seem distant, and that’s an ongoing battle that I am continuously working on. Please know that I love you. Please know that I love you more than my own life. I value you over myself, tiny hands and all. You’re my best friend, and sometimes I can’t understand how someone as perfect as you can love someone as flawed as myself. Your love and sweet cuddles flatter me in the best way possible. I love every single bit of you unconditionally, from your little giggle to your tiny hands.

This has been the best year of my entire life, and I know that it will only get better from here.

 

Love,

Your Mother